Interview: Flash Fire 5 with xTx

She goes by the name of xTx. You’ve probably seen her roaming the hallways of the underground literary scene. Her work has appeared in Thieves Jargon, Zygote in my Coffee, Mourning Silence, and Flash Fire 500, among many others. Visit her website for a complete listing. Like the Liz Phair of old, xTx is building her Queendom with blunt and brutal honesty, and an unapologetic attitude that commands respect. Also like Liz Phair, she possesses an endearing vulnerability that doesn’t take away from the rawness, but makes it more appetizing. We recently sat down with xTx for the first of a new interview series, Flash Fire 5. We hope she doesn’t mind the Liz Phair comparisons.

1) What's the most ridiculous thing you've worn when writing?

Because I don’t think being naked save for underpants is ridiculous, it would have to be fluorescent lime green knee-length tights and a gigantic white t-shirt with a picture of the Elvis postage stamp on the front or this:

2) Who is your greatest writing influence?

My greatest writing influence is every book I’ve ever read, every song I’ve ever sung, every brown eyed boy with low slung jeans, shirtless, with that muscular front “V” pointing its way to paradise, every pulpy pink bit of road kill scattered across battered blacktop, every crying bloodied child, every gang bang porn ever made, Jeff Buckley, my father’s raping fingers, alcohol and failure.

Sorry, that was more than one.

3) Did you ever imagine you'd be doing an interview at an obscure ezine called Flash Fire 500 one day?

I did. Like Jim Carrey, I too, in my youth, wrote a check to myself for a million dollars thus using the not-yet-known principles of The Secret to secure my fame and fortune. Except instead of a million dollar check, it was a note to myself on a piece of salami shaped notepaper from the deli where my mom worked that said something about being interviewed by FF500, and the words: turkey, everything, Dutch Crunch, extra mayo.

It’s been in my jewelry box since 1984.

4) In terms of writing, where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I see myself going ‘public’ with my identity because one of my longtime readers who has made successful inroads into the publishing industry will want to make my blog into a novel. It will then get picked up as a movie. My only contractual stipulation…besides the 33 million dollar payout…will be to handle the casting couch. But that’s okay, all male actors will be told, in advance, that they will have to have sex with ‘the old lady’ and they will be fine with it because it’s a chance at stardom.

Sometimes I will audition 2 or 3 actors at a time.

5) You crash a party out in the middle of nowhere. There are celebrities in each corner of the room, but you can only visit with one . Corner #1: Oprah. Corner #2: The Dalai Lama. Corner #3: Kermit the Frog. Corner #4: Dustin Diamond a.k.a Screech from "Saved by the Bell." Who do you talk to?

It’s a toss up between Oprah and the Dalai Lama. Wait, could I kick Screech in the balls before I talk to anyone?